Meet Them Where They Are
I've had several situations lately in which dear friends of mine have stopped engaging with me, as we had for years. It has been frustrating, bewildering, but mostly disheartening.
I'm still working through it, but my daughter's advice keeps ringing in my ears: "Dad, you have to meet them where they are.”
True, so true.
It's difficult to detach when I'd like some clarity about what happened. I'd like to understand the situation and see if there is anything I can do to help. But it takes two people to make a relationship work, and sometimes people just aren't in the right place to make it happen.
I can't force someone to open up to what is going on. I can't share my perspective without truly listening and understanding the situation - and maybe not even after that.
What I can do is adjust my expectations and communication regarding pace and tone. I can acknowledge that their current capacity, whether emotional, mental, or practical, isn't ready to engage as we once did. Or they may never be ready to engage like that again.
People get overwhelmed. I get it. I've been there before, too.
I'm going to give these dear friends space and empathy. I won't change my boundaries and what works for me in relationships. And I won't tolerate bad behavior.
Sometimes my tight-knit circle of dear friends needs some adjustments, and in doing so, opens up new friendships that will forge new opportunities, perspectives, and growth.
-Tony
